big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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