you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
