HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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