Your face is a jimmy john
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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