Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
