There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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