I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
