I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
