I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
