Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
