After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
