I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
