So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
