Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
