So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
