and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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