Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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