1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
