His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
