roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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