i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
