You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
