i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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