I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
