can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
