maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
