Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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