babies were throwing up all over the place
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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