Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
