it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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