Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I want her autograph on my taint
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
