Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
