You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
