listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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