Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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