Life is so much better after having sex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
