last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
