I'm lost and stupid without you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
