does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
