i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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