I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
