Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
