He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
