there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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