i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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