Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
