We won't sleep together?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
