she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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