come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
