cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
