yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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