Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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